When You Believe (My Go-To Inspirational Playlist)

It's funny how a single song...3:34 minutes of music...can change your whole perspective of a situation. That's the beautiful thing about music: it can mold, as well as express, a mindset. Most of the time, this is a negative thing, but I like to think that music was meant to inspire.


Inspire well-being, peace, and determination.

Granted, I do get in those moods where I only want to listen to Coldplay, James Blunt, and Sam Cooke. My deep melancholy is expressed in the music playlist of my choice. As it is when I'm in a romantic, praise-oriented, or thuggish mood. So, I figured I'd share my all-time favorite inspirational tracks. God knows with the cold, frigid weather we could all use a little warmth.

1. When You Believe - Mariah Carey & Whitney Houston (Prince of Egypt Soundtrack)

2. World's Greatest - R.Kelly (Ali Soundtrack)

3. I Believe - Yolanda Adams (Honey Soundtrack)

4. Hero - Nas (The N Word Album)

5. I Believe I Can Fly - (Yep) R Kelly (Space Jam Soundtrack)

6. Declaration (This Is It) - Kirk Franklin (The Fight of My Life Album)

7. Stand Out - Powerline/AKA: Tevin Campbell (A Goofy Movie Soundtrack)

8. Not Afraid - Eminem (Recovery Album)

9. Tightrope - Janelle Monae (The ArchAndroid Album)

10. In the Light - DC Talk (Jesus Freak Album)

11. Warm It Up (With Love) - Brandy (Human Album)

12. Black or White - Michael Jackson (Dangerous Album)

13. Lovely Day - Bill Withers (The Very Best of Bill Withers Album)

14. Dare You To Move - Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown Album/A Walk to Remember Soundtrack)

15. It's My Life - Bon Jovi (Crush Album)

16. Good Life - OneRepublic (Waking Up Album)

17. I Believe - Fantasia (Self-Titled Album)

18. River Deep, Mountain High - Celine Dion (c/o Tina Turner) (Let's Talk About Love Album)

19. Optimistic - The Sounds of Blackness

Honorable Mention: Whip My Hair - Willow Smith

 Did I miss any?

Finally.

So, in case you missed it. I'm 25 now (have been for almost a month lol). 

My current, constant mood is peaceful. I've never stressed LESS before in my whole life. Yes, I was a fearful, worrisome child. But I'm starting to snuggle up next to my own psyche and finding contentment with who I am...even though I'm still in the process of painting that picture. The brush isn't in my hands anyway, so I might as well have some sense of joy. 

...yeah, I guess that's it. I have joy.

I am imperfect, but I'm accepted and affirmed. Just as I am.

This Unconditional Love actually drives me to grow.

Fear and pressure never does anyone any good. Let people be who they are,

and they may become more than you expect.

God bless reader. There's more to come...don't worry. :)

Interlude: Re-Introducing.

Brittney S.

Age 24

In pursuit of a more intimate walk with my Lord.

Explicitly Black.

Graciously Woman.

I write. everything.

Presently being equipped to go back & save our children.

Heart of gold that beats outside of my chest.
Lives for the stage but deaf to applause.
Secretly building "my castle made for two"...


Hello.

All.

I took a Psychology of Religion course a couple of semesters ago; where we surveyed each major world religion. It was incredibly informative and I left with not only a knowledge of other faiths, but a confirmed foundation of my own Faith. I know most people are wary of the topic "religion", but I wanted to explain its role in my life.

I grew up in church, basically. Knew the stories of Noah, Abraham, and Jesus before I mastered my times tables. By 17, I could quote scripture, and even taught lessons for youth and prison inmates. At some point in my late adolescence, I finally mentally understood that there was something to religion that surpassed deeds. I felt something tugging at the strings of my heart.

I thought, mind you, that I was doing okay. I'd overcome depression, suicidal thoughts, a broken home, and the death of my brother...all without the depth of spirituality. Right? Why would a young woman, coming into her own and realizing her identity, need to grow closer to the God of her faith? I mean, I was a good, well-mannered teen. I volunteered places, didn't curse, smoke, or drink, and I was a virgin. I'd done all I could to be a good person, so what else is there?

As soon as I graduated high school, things started to happen. In me and around me.

Example:
I watched the church that I grew up in become more and more occultish and spiritually manipulative. Disunity ensued and people begin to stop attending. Families were broken a part. Those who stayed either began to take on the attitude of the leadership (by demonizing or shunning those who left), or became helplessly subjected to the others. My family was the latter. I struggled in my faith, but stayed and served on many ministries at the church. Saw/heard things that rocked me to my core. Witnessed ungodly, unethical, and illegal practices that made me question the sovereignty of the God of my faith. My life became like clay to my church leaders, and decisions that I made were guided by their counsel. Those church splits and that ministry as a whole has deeply wounded many people. Some of which have completely seperated themselves from Christianity. I considered it.

I remember numerous dark nights where I yelled and screamed at God; asking Him where was He when all of this was happening...or when my parents' marriage was crumbling...or while my brother lay on the side of the road dying...

Instead of getting an explanation from God, I recieved understanding. Now usually, an explanation or a reason for an event will give us understanding. But this time, I gained understanding (not right away) without getting a literal answer. But I had to be willing to want the understanding...

I could not be the same teenager who looked at my faith as a classification. Or a check-box on a job application. Because there is more. It is more.
It wasn't enough to give a percentage of my heart to God. Or my mental understanding. He wanted more. But how much exactly?

All.

This has been the test of my entire life. And it continues to be.
Every trial and circumstance has been to make me stronger, better, and wiser...but also to draw my heart closer to His.

I am only 23 years old...so there isn't much that I know for sure about love and life. But there is one thing that I am absolutely sure of: God loves me.

This is my testimonial. Of what it is meant by "Not a religion, but a relationship."

Let it Go.

I've figured out that the worst thing I can do for any circumstance or issue in my life, is to try and fix it myself. Normally, I'll go through a trecherous cycle of:

Step 1: Analyzing it
Step 2: Mapping out possible results
Step 2b: Rehashing on the worse-case-scenario
Step 3: Worrying
Step 4: Asking people not involved to pray for me
Step 5: Acting based on my certainty of the issue's outcome
It usually goes like this. But I usually either overthink it, or mess the whole thing up by the time I get to Step #5. And it's odd because I know that there's a better way.

Especially in relationships. There is a certain level of control that I'd like to maintain if I am going to be in a relationship with a guy. I'll exercise the tendency to keep a close eye on where the relationship is headed...and if need be, steer it myself. I don't let heartache catch me off guard.

But my current love is completely different. I am involved in the most unique "friendlationship" of my whole life. [I use "friendlationship" because we're on a break...if you're a follower of my blog then you're already aware of this.] We are colleagues in an art (Spoken word/poetry) that is becoming like a campus ministry, we graduated with the same major, we have the same passions and pursuits in life, etc. When I realized that I loved him...my mind dashed to the alter. Today, we are close friends concentrating on our individual lives; away from the daily distractions that being in a serious relationship can bring.

Whenever I feel myself becoming too occupied with the state of this friendship...I can feel God reminding me to give it to Him. Step #4 involves me asking for others to pray for me, but I usually don't need prayer -- simply the strength to obey. It's like He has to consistantly pry my firm grip off of this beautifully wrapped box labeled "The Future". (God has taught me patience in these 4 months.)

I've recently had to deal with some issues about me, the guy, and another girl that is closer to him than I'd like. I'd become unsure about how she really feels about him, and that made me uneasy. So, after being backed into an emotional corner early yesterday, I finally said,

"Okay, Lord. I give up. I'm letting it go..."

About 8 hours later: I recieved a text from the boy (he's away working at a summer camp); telling me exactly what I needed to hear. The fear that was I trying to maneuver myself; went away.

And it happened when I decided to let it go.

Be Still. (Intro)

Ever notice how everything is most quiet right before the sunrise?
Take a moment to calm the clamor and rest your soul.
The Lord knew that we would need moments like these before He gives us a new day.
....