What I Did in 2010

My, oh my. What a year it has been for me. List is in no particular order...

1. Moved into my first place ever.
2. Got a new job as a graduate writing tutor.
3. Traveled more than I ever have; from VA to NJ, NY, SC, NC, DC, OH, and NJ again
4. Saw an amazing concert and actually talked to the lead singer. (I love you Phonte)
5. Ate a White Castle burger in the Bronyx.
6. Sat in a recording studio as my bf recorded poetry tracks
7. Performed poetry at a wedding
8. Applied for 40 summer jobs -- got 0. Applied for 30 jobs in VA -- got one of the best jobs on campus.
9. Ended my 2nd year as a Resident Assistant
10. Managed to not flunk out of graduate school
11. Retired straight hair
12. Obtained three side hustles: greeting card writer, professional blog writer, and manuscript editor
13. *** ****** ***
14. Exercised more forgiveness than I thought was possible
15. Dealt with jealousy, fear, and self-preservation (the three enemies of a relationship)
16. Witnessed the death of The Triangle
17. Saw three of my friends entangled in their own triangle
18. Learned a few phrases in Korean
19. Went to Victoria's Secret and saw a specialist. :)
20. Switched cell phone services and bought the Best. Phone. Ever.
21. Had my surprised birthday plans ruined...but plan B involved spending more money at once than I ever had. Had a blast doing it.
22. Gave my blessings to at least 10 friends who got engaged.
23. Had my first Five Guys burger.
24. Got therapy; professionally and semi-professionally
25. Turned 25. Feels great.
26. Put counseling techniques into practice and actually helped someone in the process.
27. Drove from VA to SC all by myself.
28. Went to a nightclub for the first time. Eh.
29. Almost got published.
30. Baked cookies at least once a week.
31. Went to the Holocaust museum. Changed my life.
32. Had a few amazing photo shoots.
33. Got to the 3 year mark with the bf. Many are holding their breath for the moment I get the ring..except me. :)

The Way

I have been a Christian since I was a little girl. I remember sitting in church, next to my mom and older brother, and hearing the preacher talk about the love of Jesus Christ. I'd heard many stories in Sunday School and at home about Noah and the Ark, Jonah and the Whale, and Adam and Eve. I even knew about Jesus performing miracles and coming to earth as a little baby. I loved those stories. However, it was something about that preacher's words that made me feel a warm sensation in my chest.

"Jesus loves me"

I knew that my parents loved me. I knew that my cousins and other family members loved me. But I felt that they kinda had to since we were born into the same family. It wasn't inconvenient, but it was obvious that it had to be the norm. But why did Jesus love me enough to give his life?

Why me?

Maybe it is simply a really good story. A metaphor for how life on earth is meant to be. Maybe Jesus is simply a nice teacher who was more of an advocate for universalism than faith in One God. Maybe he didn't resurrect on the third day and his bones are tucked away in Osama Bin Laden's hiding place.Maybe it, like all other religions, are a construction of the intricate human psyche. Or maybe Buddha is just as significant as Jesus who is equal to Muhammad. Maybe god is a figment of my broken imagination. Maybe I am god and don't know it.

I don't have certainty. Philosophically, none of us can be certain of anything. But I have faith that Jesus did come to earth, as God and Man, and died for me out of love and compassion for my sins. So that I can be free in this life and the next. I have faith that that day I prayed to Jesus for the first time, he heard me and answered.

At times, my faith is made tangible. Through an unseen comfort in moments where I faced sorrow, heartache, and despair alone. Certain evidences have appeared in my life that have blatantly hinted at a truth I learned as little girl:

"Jesus loves me"

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
—II Timothy 3:14-17

The Reason For the Season.

Be good to one another.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

A Man Among Boys (Intro)

I am dating one of the most incredibly raw minds of this world. He sees his sporadic thinking as a flaw, but I believe that in moments where it acquires focus/purpose, he captivates the listener with a rare combination of wisdom, wit, and empathy. With that being said, it scares me when he feels that he cannot capture the respect/attention of other males. There is a part of his existence that has been backed into a corner, and I feel that speaking on his behalf would be overstepping my boundaries as the girlfriend.

His baritone has jarred me. Left me standing at full attention and ready to join him in both task and heart. While it is thrilling to watch his manhood stand out further among lesser Johns, I'm saddened that they secretly jeer at his words. And I'm unsure of the coming-of-age process. How men accept one another and respect the thoughts of another male. What convinces a male that he can stand in a man's shoes; fulfill his role, and gain the recognition of other men?

Patience

Hm.

Another friend of mine is engaged. Happily engaged. And I am forced to do that "mind thing" where I remind myself that it's okay that it's not me. Because I love him, and he loves me back. I trust that he, and more importantly, God, has a great, unique, taylor-made plan just for us. I'd rather wait another 10 years, enduring a seemingly endless dating purgatory than to do things too soon.



I'm okay.

Unashamed [Quote]

"I am a part of the Fellowship of the Unashamed.

I have Holy Spirit power.

The dye has been cast, I have stepped over the line.
I am a disciple of His.

I won’t look back,
Let up,
Slow down,
Back away,
or be still.

My past is redeemed.

I am finished with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, and dwarfed goals.

I don’t have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded.

I now live by faith,
Lean on his presence,
Walk by patience,
Live by prayer,
Labor by power,

My faith is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven.

My road is narrow, my companions are few. My guide reliable, my mission clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, or delayed.

I will not flinch in face of sacrifice,
Hesitate in the presence of the adversary,
or negotiate at the table of the enemy.

I won’t give up shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up, for the cause of Christ.

I am a disciple of Jesus.

I must go until he comes,
Give till I drop,
Preach until all know, and
Work till he stops me.

And when He comes for His own He will have no problem recognizing me."

-- Worth Dying For