Food Lion+Ingles+Kroger = My Rodeo Drive.

Everytime my mother calls, she'll ask the same question:"You got enough food in your fridge? You getting enough to eat?" Lately, I find myself fussing over my boyfriend more and more when he tells me that he hasn't eaten all day. The first thing I do when I travel back home to my parents' house (after resting my bags in my old room) is look in the refrigerator. And not necessarily because I'm hungry, but it somehow helps me guage how well my parents are doing financially.

I'm starting to notice a trend...

I connect a sense of well-being with the amount of food I have direct access to.

I am not proud to admit this...but the last month and a half of the past fall semester, I stole food from the dining hall on campus. Because of the campus dining plan I chose, I could only visit the dining hall 5 times a week. Plus, I had ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY. Granted, I had shelter, hot water, electricity, and a warm bed. Thankfully, I didn't owe my university any money. But the miniature fridge tucked underneath my bed had a jar of applesauce and a couple bottles of water in it. Life, momentarily, sucked. However, it's strange to me that the moment I received a bit of money, the first thing I thought of to buy was food. I was elated that I could go to the grocery store and get groceries to last me a whole month instead of a pair of cute boots...or skinny jeans from American Eagle. And whenever my fridge was stocked to capacity, with a overloaded bin of snacks sitting next to it, I could care less that the bottoms of my AE ballet flats are starting to wear thin, or that my jeans are outdated. Or that I can fit my entire wardrobe in one suitcase, even.
 
In the smallest amount feasible, I understand what it's like to not know where you're next meal is coming from. But there are people in other countries, children especially, who go days...weeks without food. Americans see economic status based on the types/quality of clothes a person wears, but true poverty is found within a man. Also, there are almost 13000 McDonald's running in America, with 2000 more than open every year. Americans are the most unhealthy, wasteful people as a group. 25% of the food Americans eat is thrown away.

We think that being blessed is what we drive, wear, and possess. Christians, even, think sometimes that what Jesus meant in John 10:10 equates to material possessions. Granted, He never clarifies, but I'm sure it wasn't physical wealth. There are many people in this world, on a daily basis, that go without basic needs.  We should be content (which is not the same as settling) with what we have.

There is no greater satisfaction than a full stomach.



*Dedicated to broke college students.

Learn The Lesson.

"Life is a long lesson in humility." -- James Matthew Barrie

We live in the age of the Hater, where we place emphasis on having victory over odds and others. From birth, we are taught to pursue what we want in life, and that the most important opinion is our own. The toughest heart is girded to hold to the belief that you can only count on yourself. You are all you have. Even religious-minded people hold similar thoughts: "Trust no man, only God." " Only God can judge me."  Circumstances, which are meant to chip away the hardness of our hearts, only add to the boulder on our shoulders. Overall, it's puzzling to me why we end up choosing to grasp tighter to ourselves, instead of letting go. Is it that we think we'll end up losing ourselves at the end of it all? But that's impossible.

We are who we are.

When God created us, He didn't just mold our outer shells. He also placed an inner nature deep inside. That, which is "in His image". But, as the story goes, we believed a lie and took on another, false nature. True love is self-sacrificing, but we are taught that love is indicative on how a person makes us feel. We weren't created to deny our feelings, or be led by them. Yet, God knew that a passionate heart, tainted by a sinful nature would equal disaster. Which is why we, as human beings, are in a constant, ever-abounding need of an ego check.

All of us. From Hitler to Mother Theresa.

Our society desires to keep us occupied on the dissension that lies between us, instead of the real battle that's going on. I'm not downplaying hurt, rejection, or any of the other forms of heartache that one can endure in a lifetime. However, we are taught that the remedy is to increase your self-love. That if you'd simply love yourself more, it will help you make sense of all you've been through. But, that is incomplete.

It's amazing the point of reference you have when you take the stance of a servant.

Friends, Acquaintances, and Other Folk.

I've had an especially fierce burden on my shoulders for my friends recently. Most of them are involved in a wide array of circumstances, and I've actually been able to slow down enough to watch their turmoil unfold before me in a slow-motion fashion. I remember having significant moments like that in high school, and I'm sure it means the same as it does now:

God is intentionally pointing something out to me. To learn from and to pray for. In these moments, God tends to teach me about the ways of people. Certain people, at times, but usually its a general lesson about humanity. I'm broken by the sabotage we allow to go on in our relationships with others. It's natural to have dysfunction...because we're humans. But it's almost as if we have this itch for utter destruction to happen ever so often. People have become indispensable, and we don't value others enough to look past our own needs.

You see it everyday, divorces happen. Childhood friends fall out of sync. Family members hold life-long grudges that affect generations. And we'll choose, instead, to hold onto this immaterial pain that makes our hearts more feeble and colder. Or worse, we'll fill our lives with numerous shallow, unproductive acquaintances...and think that it will fill the place that God reserved for those that will add to our existence. Vulnerably speaking, I wish not to surround myself with drones of people who aren't looking out for my benefit. Those who won't help me stay true to my standards, convictions, ...myself.

Life is too short to try and go at this thing all alone. And I'd rather have two or three in my corner than a crowd of people spectating in the stands.

Figure out who your real friends are. And treat them that way.

For. Haiti.

If it affects one of us, it affects all of us.

How to Help

Shared.Blindness.

I just finished watching the movie Blindness, and it drove me to the point of tears.

A sudden "white blindness" disease spread across the US, and those infected were forcibly confined to a quarrantined community. The conditions were seemingly adequate at first, but as more and more people were incarcerated there, the worse the conditions became. Eventually, the people were divided into smaller communities, "wards". Each one established its own leader, with their own by-laws.

Outside the wards were men with guns; heavily guarding the surroundig perimeter so that no one could escape to infect anyone from the outside. They provide no aide (save the large bulk of food that they dropped off at the back of the community grounds) and supplied only brutality.

One leader of the wards (Ward 12) soon took over the food distrubition; requiring everyone to give their valuable possessions in order to recieve food. Soon...there were no more valuables left. So, he then required uninhibited sexual use of the wards' women.

[I won't give away too many details for those of you who want to see it.]

Watching this made me angry.

Blindness (and other movies such as Stephen King's The Mist) successfully reveals the most animalistic and hedonistic attributes of man that occur in the most debase situations. I recognized that even though we are all suffering from the same basic needs (they were ALL blind -- except one, actually), goods/services within their community were not given based on what was needed, but based on who owned/controlled the use of the goods/services. The men leaders of Ward 12 took the goods by force, but were not wise with them. They took advantage of the people at their mercy. At first, the women of Ward 1 were unwilling to be currency, but they did what was "best" for the good of the community.

However, anarcy lead to war...which lead to chaos.

This is what happens when the mindset of a community/country/nation is based on what is deserved, and not on what is just. Giving the wicked ample room to prey on the weak. Centuries ago, people's land could be taken from, or people could be taken/sold from their own land (slavery)...simply by force. What is sad to me is that in a nation where opportunity is preached, little is said about humanitarianism. Competitiveness over the depreciating dollar and the declining business arena drift us further away from the notion that we are meant to take care of each other.

And in the face of crisis or death, we are all flesh and bone. And it won't matter how much money you have in your account, or what corner office you hold uptown.

We are all the same. We are all humans. All blind.

More to Bear.

There are certain things that I cannot bear. And it does not involve trivial things such as the way someone chews with their mouth open, or when people do not write better than they speak. No, there are certain things that are literally unbearable to my senses, and border on heartbreaking…
1. The screams of a mourning mother
2. The display of an abused child
3. The aftermath of a hate crime
4. Desperate, angry cuts on wrists
5. The eerie silence down the hallways of a high school after a shooting
6. The hidden bruises on a broken lover’s body
7. The long lines at soup kitchens and homeless shelters
8. The existence of child pornography websites

At times, my heart is overwhelmed. Not by the temporary turmoil that I experience, but that I will raise my future children in a world where things such as these are normal. Many of us would rather shut out these images. We’d rather not discuss them because in a way, homicide keeps the earth from overpopulating, and poverty allows the economy to be stabilized.

Someone has to suffer for others to flourish.

That is the truth of our society. Our stark realism has become the way that we choose to live our lives, and it keeps us from wanting better. It has made us apathetic and detached from the basic human condition. It is a game of Russian Roulette, and we are hoping that one day it isn’t our child, or it doesn’t happen at our college campus. But who’s to say? Who makes those decisions? Who allows it all to happen?

Well, we know the answer. Quite a complicated explanation…but it can be spoken in one word: God. The things I listed are completely unbearable, and the fact that it affects us so reflects back on a tendency that goes beyond our genetic make-up. It reflects a relatable, emotional God. The Bible says that God turned His face away in silence as His Son was martyred. Why would God do that? Isn’t He beyond emotion?

We truly reflect His essence (translated “Image”). So why allow us, His Beloved, to continue to experience such heartache? Because it is required for action.

Look at our history…great convictions always precede great actions. Look at the emotions that led to the Civil Rights Movement. The anger and the heartache and the frustration. It was a gut feeling that their current treatment was immoral...DESPITE what the law allowed.

Domestic violence did not become illegal through the law…but first in the heart. Great emotions provoked law-makers to change the norm. Though laws are different throughout our world, each human being has one thing in common: emotions. And we were created to bear them. So that we can make a difference.