Thursday, April 15, 2010

Men to Avoid. (A Comprehensive List)

1. The Fiend
I understand that it is a bit of a challenge for both men and women to exercise self-control when it comes to sex. Especially men. Our culture is sexually saturated and that actually weakens the will to keep sex separated for (truly) committed relationships. If you find yourself with a guy who 1) cannot keep his hands off of you at your prompting, 2) makes sexually explicit jokes/references often enough to make it uncomfortable, or 3) has significantly lower/no standards than you when it comes to sex, then you need to leave him alone. [Special mention: If you find porn on his computer/in his DVD collection: run!] This poor guy is not capable of contributing the real work it takes to maintain a relationship outside of the bedroom. No matter how much he brags on his sexual prowess, know that he is emotionally, mentally, and spiritually impotent. Also, you need a guy who you can be sure will protect your integrity, (whether you have been sexual or not).

2. The Passive-Aggressive
In the post-era of the Woman's progressive movement, the sexes are maneuvering on a more equal plane. However, there are some extremes that have been traded in for others. Despite popular opinion, the majority of women still want a "knight-in-shining armor". A protector. A man who will stick up for them at a moment's notice and not be afraid of standing up for what's right. Also, women (as much as we hate to admit it) need a man who will correct us respectfully. [I'll place the emphasis on correct, since respectfully should be a given.] Beware of the guy who is too soft to stand up to others, much less stand up to you. If he doesn't have the self-respect to divide right from wrong, then he is not adequate enough to stand next to you. He's still got some growing to do.

3. The Spiritually Mundane
This one gets a lot of us into unnecessary trouble. First of all, I would suggest two things: 1)you are spiritually growing yourself, 2)that you date within your religion. I've noticed many women (myself included) set their standards too high in other areas (e.g. salary, no kids, etc.) and will accept the bare minimum when it comes to a man's religious walk. Know where your standard is spiritually and do not accept a man who will not actively encourage you to grow. If he shows no remorse towards his/your acts of immorality and isn't attempting to feed his spirit man regularly, then you need to show him the door. If a man cannot lead himself spiritually, then as a spiritual leader he may run a household into the ground.

4. The Momma's Boy
I've heard from a number of sources that if you want to see how a man will treat you; watch how he treats his mother. That is a proven truth. There is, however, an extreme that exists. It is one thing if he seeks wise counsel from his parents/mother, but it is completely unhealthy if he cannot make major decisions without consulting her. A guy who clings to his mother will eventually cling to you; which will lead to you being the stronger half of the relationship. If he seldom/never takes charge over little decisions, or if he consistently caters to your every whim without expressing his own desires, then you should take a step back and examine his heart. Is this his misguided attempt at wooing you or is he secretly afraid of having a back-bone?

5. The Caveman
This guy sees you as his personal porcelain doll. He explicitly thinks that women have a solitary place; which is at the man's side. He has no real regard for a woman as an individual, and is incapable of viewing her past her shapely thighs and alluring nature. To him, women are always nagging and emasculating. This is the guy who complains about women excessively while he's in between relationships. He has an exact philosophy when it comes to women and their behavior, but can't seem to figure out why he's still single. He can be quite charming when engaged in the Chase, but he is actually afraid of being truly vulnerable to the fairer sex. He thinks that as along as he can mentally dominate a female, that he is exerting his manhood. Steer clear of this guy. You do that, then you'll slowly drain him of his mo-jo.

6. The Opportunist
A real man makes things happen, but the extent of this man's hustle is limited to those he associates with. Be cautious when being pursued by him, because he will drain you of your ambition. A woman's hustle is born out of a necessity, and is maintained by a sense of survival. I think, however, the man's hustle is the complete opposite. If, while you're chasing your dreams, he's on the sidelines, then I urge you to give your relationship a second look. Seasons of failure are a given, but a man who has no vision of his own (for his own) is not a man to follow. Don't let him steal your shine...let him go find his own.

7. The Drama King
There is always something popping off with him. You can be relaxing at his house, waiting for him to get off of work. So graciously tidy up his place and start cooking him a meal to enjoy when he gets home. Much to your surprise, he comes in the house, overly upset that you cooked because he was in the mood for pizza. (extreme example, I know) This man loves to pick fights, because he has a sick desire to mentally and emotionally tire you. In moments where he is discontent with his life (temporarily or generally), he intentionally sets up "traps" in your conversations to start arguments. If 1) you are unsure what mood he is going to be in from one day to the next, 2)you notice his reactions never match the situation, or 3)you feel emotionally drained when you're around him, then you should get out of this relationship. These are the types of men who turn out to be abusers (emotional/physical).


  1. With all the glut of "lists" of men out there, this is the one I take to heart, because of your wisdom. And honesty.

  2. Love this list... a few of my girlfriends need to read this one as a reminder of what a good man is... and what type to maybe stay away from.

  3. I agree with most of this post exp #3, but as far as the porn thing. I don't thnk that means lack of selfcontrol. I was married and it was pretty healthy for me and her 2 watch porn 2gether. Although my marriage last only 4yrs, 10yrs together infedelity wasn't the issue or in your words selfcontrol. I can't wait to her your post about what women need to do about themselves 2 attract a good man.If there is a womans movement going on then it's def got to start with the woman. Great Post!

  4. Liking this post!!!! I agree. I think I'll refer some people to this post!!!! We all need a little verbal reinforcement every once in a while.

  5. A few of these made me laugh. I know that wasn't the intention but a few were funny. I admit, women do have to be careful when it comes to men. Whereas a man can tow the line, if you will, a woman tends to sorta step over the line (which isn't a bad thing at all) and it sometimes leaves her having to go through the emotions. Well, moreso than men I imagine.

    I wish me and my mother had been more closer growing up though.

    I wholeheartedly agree with 5 and 6.

    I often get teased by my homeboys for not having a stomac for porn. But I love sex. Go figure. I believe I love romantic sex. Porn never appeared to be romantic with myself.

    Good stuff.