Friday, September 19, 2008


I am on a quest.

At the beginning of the fall semester, I came across the words, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."

For those of you who are unaware...this is John 10:10.
So, my quest is to figure out just what Jesus meant by "life, and have it more abundantly". I mean personally. For me. I am well accustomed to the first part of the verse, but at some point, I got tired of playing the martyr.

There are many things that have been taken from me. While I managed to hold on to a single strand of sanity throughout it all, I accepted the notion that I could end up living out the rest of my existence....empty-handed. And I thought that is what the Will of God was for me. What He was pleased with. I thought that is what He took notice of. What caught His attention. I used to picture myself as a small girl wearing a pretty yellow dress...with big brown eyes pleading for someone to tell me how pretty I looked. I took this mentality into my relationships...and even as I interacted with God, I figured that I must do something to win His approval. My poison? Suffering.

That's what "bearing your cross" is all about, right?

I've inquired of God these past few weeks about what does it really mean to have an abundant life. Does that include a fat bank account? Good health? A vast array of friends? A lucrative 401K plan?

Is it different for each person? How do we recognize it when we're living it? And how do we obtain it?

Well. This is what I've gotten so far:

"Living Life Inside-Out".

Change is accomplished and KEPT when it happens inside out. When we seek to change our surroundings or our environment, we should pray that the change begins inside of us. One of two things will happen:

1. We will literally change our environment for the better. And have grateful hearts.


2. We will see our environment change...but only because our perception of it has changed. We see it differently....and gain a grateful heart in the process.

It's an ancient concept, yet still remains true: your attitude is the only thing you can control. I am amazed at how the world around me morphs when I decide to change my attitude. I almost wished I'd thought of it first....

There is this song by Coldplay that astounds me...because it accurately states how I feel.
Daylight - Coldplay

To my surprise, and my delight
I saw sunrise, I saw sunlight
I am nothing in the dark
And the clouds burst to show daylight

Ooh and the sun will shine
Yeah on this heart of mine
Ooh and I realize
Who cannot live without
Ooh come apart without

On a hill top, on a sky-rise
Like a first born child
On a full day, and a full flight
Defeat darkness, breaking daylight

Ooh and the sun will shine
Yeah on this heart of mine
Ooh and I realize
Who cannot live without
Ooh come apart without


  1. it may be the existential theory in psychology that states that a person's progression in their mental state depends on their own thought patterns and their motivation to do something about it. i agree.

    you said it, but i'll say it again. nothing can change about us, around us, unless our mindset does. kinda like that whole glass-half-full deal. either way, it depends on how thirsty you are.

  2. For someone who constantly struggles spiritually I can relate to this post. There are/were/will be times where I'll wonder what good does it really do to act accordingly. If no one is perfect and we've all fallen short of the glory, then I take that to mean that we are 'doomed.' So, since we're headed in the same direction...why be the slave and not the slaveowner?

    Just a thought.

    I agree, change takes place from within us, individually.

  3. u write well
    maybe u will read one of my books one day
    hope u dont mind the drive by