I'm known to be a slow gravitator towards retaliation. Even as a teenager, I can count on my hands the number of times that I actively sought revenge. Not that I've never wanted to hurt someone who hurt me...but I think that I have always feared what it would be like to hold vengance in my heart for too long. Long enough where it would change me...This has not kept me from getting hurt, mind you. Sometimes I feel that my pain is more severe than others. The blow of disappointment and betrayal sharper because I choose not to deflect it by blaming others or focusing on revenge.
I've been told that I am too sensitive.
And that my heart is too big for my own good.
That I take to heart things that the average person would shrug off easily.
All are correct....
But, in doing much soul searching, I've come to realize that I actually....like...this part of me.
Though it curses me to exist with a wide open heart; increasingly susceptible to hurt...I have been given a Strength that girds my heart with armor. The unpentrable nature shows on the inside rather than permeates the outside...like most hearts seem to be.
I'm not of the weak, naive, or ignorant.
I look at pictures of old loves with new loves and can smile.
Shake the hands of those who used them once to do me harm.
And strive to live peaceably with all men.
Each time I extend an embrace. Take notice, but Forgive a personal grievance.
Consider my own short-comings before estimating another's character.
And plead with a fair-weather friend for restoration.
I feel my heart getting stronger.
Bigger....but stronger.
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