Thursday, February 21, 2008

Potential to Do What I Am Incapable Of...(Part Three)

Presently, I am extra sensitive to my surroundings. Now, more than ever, I am seeking the purpose and promise behind everything that happens. Why? Because things around me are growing and evolving. So naturally, I look to the sky asking God...

"Okay...what are you up to? What does this all mean?"

Opportunities that my heart has sought after are actually going to happen. It's one thing to want something. To pray for something. To fantasize about being in a certain place...but now that these dreams are now tangible and real...I'm nowhere close to being prepared. So, my initial thoughts are:

"Lord. I need you."

The past 2 months aren't a coincidence, but ordained for some purpose.

1 Corinthians 2:9

But as it is written: “ Eye has not seen, nor ear heard
Nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

Emphasis on "things [which God has prepared].

1. Healing

I should be dead. The tumor should have grown cancerous and the surgery unsuccessful. But, God had bigger plans for my life. Through a miracle, the MRI came back clear, and gradually, my body is healing itself. My hormone levels are normal and I will be able to have children one day. At the same time I was waiting on my test results, a little girl that my step-dad's job was raising money for, died from a brain tumor that had plagued her body for many years. Why God chose to take her life and spare mine isn't for me to understand...regardless...I owe Him my life, because He saved it.

2. Love
He is everything God knew I would need in a best friend. I see a reflection of God's heart for my life each time he looks at me: without one ounce of pretense, dishonesty, and condition. I've never been in a relationship where we try to outdo one another in love. Never have I felt such a freedom in God's timing [for my love life especially]. Paul says in Philippians 4:12, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."I have known what it is like to suffer in a relationship. To give so much of yourself and getting nothing back. I thank God for those times. Heartache has been my greatest teacher. Not in technique, necessarily, but in having a teachable spirit.
God knows, I have no idea how to love this man.
But I am open to learn. Everyday. For the rest of my days.

3. Leadership=Servanthood

I received the email yesterday announcing that I've been chosen to serve as an Resident Assistant next school year. After getting many congratulations from my peers throughout the day yesterday, an older woman who is in graduate school asked me was I excited. I said, "Uh. It hasn't even hit me yet!!" She laughed and said "Well, it'll hit you tomorrow at the Contract Signing when you sign your life away!" I laughed along with her, but thinking about it later, I realized that my answer to her statement should have been:
"Well, my life is Christ's anyway. So, it shouldn't be too big of an adjustment."

4. Finances
I'm still a broke college student. But if it weren't for the intervention of God, then I would just be broke [minus the college student part]. My financial situation almost prevented me from being able to start my Junior Year in January. But God, again, stepped in and proved that He has the last word in everything. There is truly nothing too hard for Him. Or expensive.
No way $6,148 could break His bank account.


  1. signing your life away indeed. i'd be freaking out.

    but then again, i'd be the RA to have action movie Saturday nights, complete with a 12pack of Red Bull and Otis Spunkwhatshisface.

    at least you won't be a hungry broke college student.

  2. um.
    those are all good ideas, though.
    i told you that you should apply.

  3. Wow, I am touched by this post. I am happy that your health has improved. Sorry to hear about the little girl he was raising money for.

    Love...I believe your words.

    I kind of feel really, really bad having stopped by this blog, because mines is so dirty and yours is so clean.

    I enjoyed the read ALOT. Always need to hear real-life words of encouragement.

  4. very touching post esp about your health and college finances- so glad to read that God saw you through all of that and that you are remaining headstrong through it all