I am quietly building. Storing up an internal investment specifically for his heart. Actively waiting for the moment where he will open up his mouth and say to me, "It's you". Momentairly, I will relapse into a state of fear and doubt. I try and remind myself that friendship is more than enough, and that I should be grateful to have him in my life."Relax" I whisper to the aching member inside my chest."He won't recognize your emotions as pain. And it will hurt him to be reminded of his temporary selfishness. It is for the best. Let the pain go...just love him."
I expected love to be fair. For it to go right when I felt that it should. But truthfully, love can equate sacrifice. And in order for it to grow wings and soar, beyond the hatred and indifference that has us enslaved in everyday life, there must be a desire surrendered. A heart must be inconvenienced.
And I have come too far to throw it all away...for the sake of my own self-preservation.
I love this. "love can equate sacrifice. And in order for it to grow wings and soar, beyond the hatred and indifference that has us enslaved in everyday life, there must be a desire surrendered"...Preach!
ReplyDeletethis really could have been liner-notes to Maxwell's "Pretty Wings"...I really dig your thoughts though. Sucks about the position, but I love your take; difficult as it is.
ReplyDelete@ journey: (smile) thank you.
ReplyDelete@ one man gang: Pretty Wings has been in steady rotation this summer. haha. Yeah, it isn't the best of situations, but I'm still here.
I think you said it best, "..not enough to die."
Thanks for reading, fellahs.
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ReplyDeleteI felt like you were reading my thoughts... except a lot more eloquently. I truly understand every emotion stated.
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