Saturday, December 6, 2008
Periodically I look at a picture of myself (like the one above, for example) and I ask the question: Who is this girl....really?
Question of the decade. Haha.
There were times where it drew blank stares. Grimaces. And sarcastic laughs.
If I were to ask those closest to me...they would give only a resume of my talents.
Others: a long list of likes, dislikes, and moods.
I dare no one would come closer to the truth than my mother...
...but even SHE would miss the essence by a mile.
No one spends more time with me...than me...so how is it that I've spent most of my lifetime stumped by this question?
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. "~Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905
I haven't been living a lie. More so I have been chasing one.
Absorbing the light of others and ignoring the steady flicker placed inside of my own soul.
Believing that if I impacted enough lives and spoke the right words that God would give me the acceptance that He has already offered. And promised.
Somewhere in the shuffle of the crowd I let go of His hand. So I tugged on endless shirttails asking, "Have you seen my Daddy?" Surely these nice people could help me find Him. But, the sounds of their directions/questions drowned out the voice of my Father calling for me. In losing Him, I lost me. But, it is thrilling how crystal clear my [true and redeemed] heart is when it has the light of His Glory shining on it...
1. I sing at the top of my lungs; getting lost in the melody and emotion. Carefree and joyous. A true lover of music.
2. I write from the depths of my soul. In whatever form it happens to flow into. Not for acclaim. And never for approval. Content takes precedence over grammar.
3. I am two opposites joined. Yin and Yang within myself. A more envious form of Bipolar. A healthier version of a Manic-Depressive. I am noisy and I am silence. I am serious and I am humorous. I am introverted and I am bold. I am cautious and I am fearless. Tender and Intense. I am high-top converse's and I am high heels. I am pink ribbons and black nail polish.
4. I believe in Truth. And Beauty. And Love. And I will guard them ferociously.
5. I am the Apple of My Father God's eye. He gave His life for me, and I owe Him my everything. His sacrifice tells me that I am special to Him.
6.. I am still learning. The color on my wings growing more vivacious, the smile on my face increasing in mystery. Look into my eyes and see that I've got a secret.
Now...look at that picture again...